If you’re planning on proposing, there’s a good chance that you want it to be a surprise. That’s fair. Most people want to surprise their loved one and most women say that they would like to be surprised by a marriage proposal. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t discuss marriage beforehand. In fact, it’s typically a good idea that you do.
Why? Well, the first and most obvious reason is that you’ll want to be sure that she’ll say yes when you propose. There aren’t too many feelings that are worse than asking someone to marry you and having her say anything other than “yes!”
If you’ve discussed marriage before you pop the question, you’ll be a lot more confident when you get down on one knee.
Even if the two of you are 100% in love and want to be with each other forever, some people simply never want to get married. So, it’s definitely a good idea to discuss marriage before you propose.
How to Discuss Marriage
This doesn’t mean that you’ll need to come right out and ask, “Do you want to get married?” A conversation about marriage doesn’t have to be explicit. In fact, you can figure out a lot by how she phrases things. If she ever says anything like “When we’re married we’ll….” or “After we’re married….” then you know she’s thought about it.
A way to discuss marriage in broad terms is to talk about your futures together. Talk about where you’ll be in ten years or what you want to do after you’re retired. If she assumes that the two of you will be together, then this is another good sign.
You can also talk about being married generally. Mention something about how it makes you happy to see a married couple or how you’re so excited that someone you know is engaged. If she is a person who sees herself getting married one day, she’ll likely express positive feelings about marriage during these conversations.
What to Talk About
It’s also a good idea to discuss a few other important things before you get married. For example, does your partner want children? When do they want children? If they see themselves having kids, how do they foresee raising them? You don’t need to get into specifics, especially if having children isn’t in the immediate future, but it’s a good idea to have a general feel for what your partner believes.
It’s also important that you talk about money. Yes, this is often an awkward conversation to bring up, but it’s an important one. Disagreements and money troubles are often one of the main reasons for arguments in a relationship. This is because a lot of individual money decisions and issues become joint decisions and issues when you’re married, so it’s important to be on the same page.
You’ll also want to have some sort of conversation that helps you picture what your married life will be like. Of course, there’s no way to know this for certain, but it’s definitely worth discussing. Will you share one bank account? Will you each contribute to half of all expenses, or will it be determined by how much you make? Who will be responsible for household chores and how will these tasks be divided up? All of these discussions can not only give you a better idea of what married life will be like, but these talks can also help you avoid disagreements in the future.
Keeping the Surprise
Just because you’ve talked about marriage with your partner, it doesn’t mean that the proposal can’t be a surprise. Instead of wondering if you’re going to propose, you partner will be wondering when you’re going to propose. Just because she has an idea that you’re doing to pop the question one day, she doesn’t know how you’re going to do it, or when, or what the ring will look like.
Every relationship is different, so there is no right or wrong way to have a discussion about your future. There is also no right way to have a relationship. There is no right or wrong way to propose. The important thing is that you and your partner are both on the same page. By discussing the idea of marriage as well as the various factors that go along with marriage, you’ll be more likely to have a happy and successful relationship.